Swipe left? Or right?

About a decade ago I got a call from Carol, a friend and client. She was seeing a man she met through a dating app called Plenty of Fish. She adored him. James was intelligent, attractive, and fun. But there was an issue. After several dates, James confided he had recently been released from federal prison where he served a term of several years for securities fraud. He was determined, she said, to ethically rebuild his life and atone for the embezzlement of client funds.

What he said next raised concerns for Carol about his character: James blamed his wife for the bulk of the financial malfeasance. He said he assumed responsibility for her actions and went to prison to protect her.

He also offered to manage Carol’s retirement investments.

She called me for guidance.

Carol is a savvy, independent woman who singlehandedly raised two sons while working for the federal government. She retired from civil service with a robust pension. She owns her home and her car. She paints and she writes. She travels. She’s not looking for a husband or a live-in partner. Carol simply wants a companion—for dining and adventures.

“I don’t mind paying at least my fair share,” she said. “I’m even willing to cover expenses, but I’m not going to pay for someone’s bad money management.”

I Googled James while we spoke. Carol wanted to continue seeing him, but she needed to know that he had not accrued any additional legal or financial issues.

“Susan, I really like this guy,” she said. “I hope he’s been honest. I hope he’s stayed out of trouble.”

For Carol’s sake, I hoped he’d been truthful to her. I logged into my public records database and searched for his criminal and civil court history. Because we were in Utah, and this is a closed record state, there was little information about James in my system other than the federal arrest reports. I drove to the county courthouse and conducted a thorough search of the statewide civil and criminal court filings. Within a few hours I called Carol.

What I’d learned surprised us both.

On the runup to every Valentines Day I run a post on social media:

The holiday of roses and love approaches, but what do you really know about your date?

Get a background check.

There is an uptick in dating site activity in the weeks prior to Valentine’s Day. According to the Pew Research Group, approximately three out of 10 American adults are single, and use online dating sites to search for relationships, companionship or one-night stands. Forbes magazine estimates there are close to 2,500 dating sites currently operating in America, with 1,000 new ones launching each year. Many of these cater to specific audiences, such as Bristlr, which features bearded men. Others attract seniors, LGBTQ+, high income wage earners, and every ethnic, religious or non-religious group imaginable. Nearly 50 million Americans, of all ages, have used dating sites, according to the Statistic Brain Research Institute.

Online dating has been described as the equivalent of a blind date. Before the internet, people found sweethearts and spouses through friend groups, work, and other social settings. When I dated, in pre-Internet times, I could learn a lot about the guy from mutual friends and acquaintances. But now, dating sites introduce people who have no social connection, and this is where troubles begin. We’ve heard stories about people posting out-of-date photos on their profiles or not being candid about their ages or marital status. I know of many instances where daters have fabricated their biographies to dupe unsuspecting men and women.

I personally know people who have lost their homes, their pensions, and other assets after becoming involved with unscrupulous men and women who intentionally targeted and defrauded them. A few took legal action against their perpetrators. Others were too embarrassed or ashamed they did not report the crimes. In some, if not most, of these situations, a basic background check could have prevented their losses.

This is why I urge people to pay a nominal fee, usually about $100-$150, to a professional for a basic background check. Of course, the more detailed the investigation becomes—if you want the investigator to dig a little deeper, interview former partners or conduct surveillance---the costs will climb.

There are many levels of background checks. As a licensed private investigator, I subscribe to several major database systems which allow me access to a plethora of information, including address histories, telephone numbers, emails, employment information, and court cases from open-record states. Property records are also included. Much of this can be found by anyone using public databases online. But the reports I generate will also indicate others who may be living with, or related to, the subject of the search, and it’s easy to pinpoint the nature of the relationship. If a woman you’re dating says she divorced, yet it appears her spouse still shares a house with her, that merits searching county courthouse records for a divorce decree. And if a case cannot be located, this indicates the woman may still be married. You could ask for an explanation. Or you could just move on.

Other civil records can be accessed as well. Among these are custody cases, evictions, foreclosures, traffic tickets, accidents, and lawsuits involving bad debts and liens. These infractions point to the character of the individual.

Carol’s friend James had been released from federal prison twenty months prior to their meeting. It turned out that despite his stated intention to make amends and stay out of trouble, he had accrued several civil lawsuits for bad debts. He had an eviction for failure to pay rent on an apartment. He owed money for furniture he’d purchased with in-store credit and didn’t make even one payment. He had a car repossessed.

Carol said James lived with his brother, “temporarily, he said, while he got back on his feet.” Their dates were in Salt Lake City, and she had picked James up outside his brother’s condominium. Now she knew he had no car and was a mess financially.

While she was saddened about the news I delivered, she was also relieved she had learned about his character early in the relationship.

“I was targeted,” she said. Carol immediately broke it off with James.

Friends and clients ask me what scammers look for when targeting an unsuspecting victim. From what I’ve observed, they look for signs of comfort and stability. Is a woman’s hair professionally styled or colored? Is a man nicely groomed? A person’s teeth, clothing, shoes, handbags, and cars are an indication of financial standing. Where a person lives and how the exterior of a home is maintained is another way to establish the value of a target.

Scammers and fraudsters are looking for a score—and many are willing to play a long game to fleece their victims—and they make a determined effort to slowly milk the victim dry. I know of one case out of California where very determined scammers not only sold a man’s house and car, but his body was found in a freezer after closing. The woman and her adult son who committed these crimes were arrested and are serving life sentences in prison. That’s a worse case scenario, but it’s true.

Much of a person’s information is readily available online. Google an address and it will likely pop up in Zillow or Homes.com, and these listings yield purchase histories. It’s easy to search tax records online to find properties owned by an individual, any lienholder information, and the market value of the assets.

Several months after Carol broke off with James, we attended a party for a mutual friend. It was held in the poolside at the friend’s apartment complex. While the men grilled burgers, Carol and I sat at an outdoor table with a few other women, drinking wine and chatting.

Carol told our friends the story about James, and how she’d fallen for a guy she met online who wanted to handle her investments, and how we learned he had serious financial problems. Carol did not mention his name, as there were other people nearby.

As she completed the story, a woman said:

“I dated that guy.”

We laughed.

“No, seriously, I dated that guy,” she insisted.

We looked over at a woman sunbathing on a lounge chair. She smiled.

“His name is James, right?” She then said his full name.

Carol and I looked at each other, stunned.

“Did you give him any money?”

“No,” Carol said.

“Well, stupidly I did. He walked away with $8,000 of mine. I just filed a lawsuit against him, but I doubt I’ll ever see a penny.”

Thankfully, Carol and many of my other clients have avoided the scammers. Background checks have a way of paying for themselves. Always something to keep in mind when you log into a dating site and tell strangers you’re available for love.

Happy Valentine’s Day.